Where I Intended to Be

I’m still here, Chief. September 13, 2010

First and foremost, although logically troublesome, Frequency is an astoundingly fun movie.

So, my slow climb towards Blogger Redemption was sidetracked by my shenanigans in Tokyo with The Japanese Best Friend. Then, after returning from that little adventure I melted into a Puddle of Summer. Then there was the trip to Osaka with My Japanese Sister and her children. That was soon followed by a day in Nagoya. Last weekend I went out clubbing with a group of friends that I made at the gym, and now we’re into the Sports Festival Season. Between these trips, dance practices, band practices, and hitting the gym at least four times a week, I really haven’t been home all that much.

To be honest, in addition to the way that my schedule has exploded, I suppose part of me has been reluctant to blog over the last few months because I’ve been steadfastly avoiding the phenomenon of Deep Reflection. Analysis I’ve partaken of in spades, and goodness knows where I’d be without the almost 24/7 availability of Jyona33 and his counseling services. Still, for a variety of reasons, I’ve been unable/unwilling to sit down and write about what I’ve been doing. As I said, the reasons for this are various, but I think the most compelling explanation has to do with us rapidly approaching the 6 month mark in our countdown. In a similar vein, I made a lot of progress on my graduate school applications over the summer and some of my social groups are starting to plan farewell parties. These events are alarming to say the least; I had a small mental breakdown when I realized that I would be watching the end of the current soccer season from my father’s apartment in Maryland (or, providing that I can find one, a German pub in D.C. ).

At this point, I’m not questioning the need to leave Japan and return to the United States. Although my social life has literally increased by 500% in the last four months, there are still ways in which I feel limited in my current circumstances. When I think of my longterm plans and goals, I don’t see them happening here. I really want the opportunity to work with American children. I want to run my own classroom and do so with the resources available in the Washington D.C. area. I miss Latin American culture, coffee shops, organic foods, and not being stared at when I walk into stores. Not to mention that I yearn to see my family and friends, and I’d relish the opportunity to sincerely and faithfully practice some form of my actual religion. (This isn’t to say that I am fantastically religious, but I do like going to early Sunday masses and listening to choirs sing beautiful hymns. )

I’ve talked about this double-life syndrome before, and it’s not a burden that gets easier with the passage of time.  In fact, it’s only become more difficult lately because it seems as though every week brings a new level of comfort in my Celebrity Role, a new depth of understanding about my circumstances, or a new sign of acknowledgement and acceptance from those around me. Since I went out with my gym friends that night a couple of weeks ago, I’ve had nights where I’ve spent more time at the gym talking to people than actually working out. Several of the families from my schools have also opened up lines of communication recently, and I feel as though there are days when I do nothing but run around in cycles of dialogue focused on my students and their personal lives.

I suppose that, given how busy things are inside of my head, I’ve chosen to dive into my circumstances and not look back at the size of the splash. Although I’m still planning my move back to the States in a logical, calculated fashion, there are ways in which I have chosen simply to embrace each day as it comes and to do what I feel will make me happy in the here and now. I’m giving all my activities everything I’ve got, if only because I really don’t have that much time left to do them. I don’t want to linger overmuch on my departure, because I think it will restrict what I feel comfortable doing in the present.

So, that’s more or less where I am now. The question then becomes, how do I continue to make use of this blog, which is something that I’ve already put a lot of work into and that I feel can help me stay balanced over the next six months and seventeen days. I shouldn’t be afraid to stop and take stock of what I’m doing, and I think that since there are so many things happening now, this is still a great opportunity for me to share some of my experiences with all of you.

To that end, my intention is to go back to the original premise of this blog. I’d like to stay a little away from the philosophizing, and instead focus on collecting significant memories from now until March 30th. I think you can expect a tremendous increase in our number of Characters, especially once I start to explain more about the Gym Community and the people who have come to play more prominent roles in my life. We also have some pretty interesting events on the horizon, including a school-wide Halloween activity at Friday’s elementary school, Thanksgiving with The Japanese Best Friend and … The Mentor (!!!), and of course a trip back to the States for Christmas break. Hopefully along the way, I’ll have memories to share of getting into Graduate School (let’s all send positive energy for that) and another few nights out with the Gym Folk.

In the meantime, I apologize again for the long break. I’m back for the present, and I will do my best, as always, to try to stay on track. I really feel as though we’re about to enter a very interesting period in this long, 4+ year-long adventure and … you know … I’d really like you guys along for the ride.

No I can’t recall anything at all
Oh baby this blows them all away
It’s got what it takes
So tell me why can’t this be love