Where I Intended to Be

We are the ones to make a brighter day September 2, 2009

Today, I am feeling grateful.

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m fanatical about fond of my students. The reason for this is quite simple: they are amazing. They’re not always well behaved, not always practical, not always kind, not always intelligent, not always entertaining, and heaven so help me not always pleasant to be around (further proof that body odor must be some evolutionary defense to keep us from being eaten by lions).

Still, I am convinced that in many ways my students are better human beings than I will ever be, and I sincerely enjoy watching and participating in their dramatic, darkly comedic lives. I like seeing how they react to new situations; I like hearing what they think of new ideas. I will often laugh (more than is required) at the things they do when they are being-at-work-staying-themselves. I once went into a fifteen minute giggle-fest because some of my students played a game during lunch where they picked an offensive word and then challenged each other to say it louder than the last person who said it.

I suspect one of the reasons that I like my students so much is that I am, in fact, just a big kid myself.

It wasn’t always this way, though. I didn’t always feel comfortable around them, didn’t always rejoice at the sight of them. When I first came here, fairly ignorant in the ways of Japanese customs and the Japanese language, I was shocked at my reception. I expected stares or giggles in the hallways. I expected a few letters of welcome from the more advanced students. At the very least, I expected attempts to say hello to me.

What I got was … silence.

Perpetual, complete, and frigid silence. Silence in the classroom, silence in the hallways, silence during breaks. I might as well have not been present at all given the way that they dismissed me. They even fell asleep during my self introduction, completely uninterested in my country or why I came to Japan. Granted, this was on the middle school side of things. The elementary school students have always been enthusiastic and interested in talking. But my teenagers, oh, my teenagers. For the first month of school, I felt like I was back in middle school myself, and I was definitely NOT welcome at the lunch table.

What helped me to get started down the road that I’ve been on ever since was that year’s third grade class. My first batch of third graders was what one of the Two Terrific Teachers referred to as “The Animal Class.” They were overwhelmingly awful. Loud, rude, completely uninterested in studying, not fond of English, not fond of teachers, and quite possibly full of more hormones than one will find in a major metropolitan fertility clinic. They were constantly Up to Tricks and class was always insane.

Ultimately, this worked to my advantage because, well, I liked them. Generally speaking I tend to be fond of bad students. In this case, though, I was happy because it was the one time during the day when the students weren’t ignoring me. It didn’t matter that they weren’t being nice. I couldn’t understand what they were saying to me anyway, and surprisingly enough, threats and insults lose a lot of their weight if your target can’t understand that you’ve just schooled them. In addition, I was more stubborn than they were, so after waiting out their insults, I’d snap back at them in English (which just confused them because they were expecting anger or hysteria). With the time that this bought me, I could usually diffuse whatever situation had been building prior to our exchange.

Anyway, I did this for a few months and eventually figured out how that class hierarchy worked. Once I was able to understand that, I just did my best to court the leaders, and then the rest of the mob fell in line. I guess it took me about four months to get to a point where the students no longer tried to torture me on a daily basis. I’ve found that it’s difficult to dislike somebody who is obviously intent on liking you. You may exploit this person to your own ends, you may use them the same way that a German shepherd puppy uses a chew toy, but if that person continues to surround you with genuine good will and interest, you will eventually yield on some level.

That was my first step in this long, student-focused journey. By the time that that class left, I felt that we were on pretty good terms with each other. I was asked to sign a few yearbooks, and so that must have been a good sign. Things have slowly, but fairly steadily, improved since then. Of course, there are still times when the students are more interested in discussing their lives amongst themselves than in talking to me. This is right and proper and I wouldn’t have it any other way – there are certainly times when I don’t really feel like talking to them.

But, I would be lying if I said that they weren’t the central reason for my being here.

So, given where we all started from, I’m grateful for today, and for the first honest-to-goodness-we-even-had-school-lunch day of the second term. I’m grateful for how far things have come in three years – I remember too well how things used to be. I’m grateful for us having become a part of each other’s worlds.

More specifically, I’m grateful for the following moments:

~ The Savant coming up to me before class and telling me that he broke his leg over summer vacation. He was lying, and I knew he was lying because I was at school all during summer vacation and I would’ve heard about it. Oh, yes, and a broken leg requires a cast.  Still, it was funny listening to his sophistry.  Also, today in class we studied the song We Are the World and he managed to memorize the whole thing in fifteen minutes and sing it to me. Quite impressive indeed, young Jedi. The recitation actually turned into a duet much like the following:

Me: There comes a time
TS: When we heed a certain call
Both: When the world must come together as one
Me: There are people dying
TS: And it’s time to lend a hand
Me: To life
Both: The greatest gift of all…

And so forth. I would feel proud of it, but I am only too aware of how dorky that was. 

~ Mary Sunshine singing the WaTW chorus with me as we walked to lunch.

~ Sitting down to eat lunch with my first year students including Sailor Moon and Hannah Montana. They were excited to eat with me and talked my ears off all through lunch. (I am *especially* grateful for this moment because I have had so many awkward lunches in my time here that I once swore never to take a midday meal again.)

~ Exchanging the appropriate greetings with The Boss (who does not like WaTW) and Macho Man. We have the sports festival coming up soon and Macho Man is feeling perhaps more macho than usual.

~ Explaining a complicated grammar point to one of my first years today and actually seeing her take notes while I was talking. Hooray for correct Japanese. Hooray for students that trust me. Hooray for understanding why she was confused.

And so, today made me happy. Whoever or whatever put the events in motion that led up to what was possible today (be it myself, the collective student body, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster), I’m grateful to it. I know that I’m very lucky to be where I am and that it’s giving me a chance to see a side of Japan (and life) that I could have easily missed.

“We are the power inside, we bring you fantasy.”